i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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