And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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