Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize