Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
