Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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