So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
