I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize