Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
