sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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