I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
