someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you never un-have a 4some
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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