it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize