it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
