She said her name was "party"
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
