I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
