The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
