i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she peed on how many people?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
