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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  That text needs to switch to water.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You fucking left with him didn't you?!

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• (408): View more from California

  Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat

  (830): View more from Texas

  You are so not ready for motherhood

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing

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• (516): View more from New York

  My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  It started going awry when I fell through a roof.

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• (510): View more from California

  It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.

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• (646): View more from New York

  You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  What time is our conjugal visit?

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Umm...who is this?

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