She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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