atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
