Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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