Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
