A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
