have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
