Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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