And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This is not my ceiling
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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