We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
