OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i barfeds in our rink
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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