so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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