he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
