So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
