don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
