My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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