and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she pinky promised me she was 18
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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