Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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