PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
