U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
