So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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