Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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