Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
