The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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