i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
