he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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