The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
