Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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