so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
