I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm going to jail i love you
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
