he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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