So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
