I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
this hospital has no fireball
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
