if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
