Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
