I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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