Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize