good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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