I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
