In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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