i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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