mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
