sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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