It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
