I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize