and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
