Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
A bitchslap is in order.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
