saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
