I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
