omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
