Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
