My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish you could order shots online.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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